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New SPN fic: Untitled meme fill

No update on Western Rising this week because I had to write this prompt fill for the ohsam holiday meme. The prompt will give the necessary warning.
I had to. It came in my brain with a tiny gun and forced me.

She hath perused conclusions infinite
Of easy ways to die
- Antony and Cleopatra, V.II

It wasn’t that the Winchester’s had ever ‘done’ Thanksgiving, in any meaningful way – but if Dad was around they’d get takeout and watch the game, Sam with one eye on a book and Dad half asleep with a beer in his hand and a whiskey or three in his system. It was just one of those days that they tended to come closest to being a normal family. One year, they’d been at Bobby’s, and he’d actually gotten a real turkey in, and some mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie, the house smelling like somebody else’s childhood and eight-year-old Sam nearly delirious with pleasure. It was amazing how many people from his memories were dead.

It was by now fairly clear that death itself wasn’t terrible – the Winchesters were probably on better terms with Death than most of humanity, having had more than one semi-civil conversation with the Horseman – the thing to fear was getting stuck, not crossing over, not doing it properly. Sam didn’t know where he was going, but at this point, even Lucifer’s cold comfort and sadistic camaraderie would be better than –

- he couldn’t think about it. The look in Dean’s eyes, the absolute hard conviction in his voice when he’d accused Sam of betrayal. And he was right. Sam had betrayed him. He’d had his reasons, but they were nothing more than excuses really. This time, Dean could not forgive him, and again he was right not to. Everything Sam touched, burned.

Over the years, he and Dean had sort of kept up the tradition: if they weren’t on an urgent job they’d sit around, drink a beer, watch the football….Dean didn’t support anyone, but he tended to root for whoever was playing Washington on principle, some inherited shade of Dad’s distrust for central government. Of what he could gather from the TV low in the background, the Redskins were winning.

In his old daydreams, the quickest cleanest way to die was a bullet in the brain – somewhere out of the way if possible where nobody would have to deal with the splatter. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to do that after Bobby. Sam was no masochist – he had no desire for a painful and drawn-out exit. If they were staying someplace with a parking garage, he could shut the door, hotwire a car and turned the engine on (not Dean’s car. That was unthinkable). Slitting his wrists in the tub would essentially justify a lifetime’s taunting regarding him being a teenage girl. As it turned out, the solution was right in his hand, literally. Before he and Dean left the psychiatric unit, they’d pragmatically raided the medication cupboard. Their haul included a large supply of heavy-duty painkillers and the powerful sleeping pills.
Dean was out. He’d taken the car and gone God knew where. Away from Sam. Good. It was better that way, safer for everyone. Sam didn’t want to cry. He didn’t deserve the luxury of tears. He just wanted quiet.

He went to the cabinet in the tiny bathroom of their motel suite. If there was one thing they kept in order wherever they were staying it was the medical supplies. He opened the smeared glass door and took out the first little bottle with its printed label, fumbling the childproof cap for a moment.

He was tired.

Please, let there be nothing after this.

The door of the motel suite banged open. Sam jumped and dropped the bottle. To his dismay, the half-dozen pills that were left in that bottle clattered down the sink.

“What are you doing in there, bitch? Come help me with this shit.”

Sam gaped at his reflection in the mirror for a moment, then turned to stare at the doorway. Dean was carrying several bags, plastic and brown paper. They smelled of meat, spices and pastry.

“Take some!” Dean ordered again. “Before I drop the damn pie.”

“You got…pie?” Sam asked stupidly.

“Turkey, sweet potatoes, apple pie. They were all out of stuffing.”

“What – who were?”

“Some church people,” Dean dismissed. “They’re giving free food away on fourth. My credit’s maxed out, Sammy, I ain’t turnin’ that shit down.”

The lump in Sam’s throat threatened to get the better of him. They were not going to talk about it. Dean was not going tell him it was okay, it was the coin, he hadn’t meant what he’d said and he understood.

But nor would he return betrayal for betrayal.

“Dean,” he said.

“Look,” Dean actually coughed, awkwardly, setting the bags down on the table. “I know we don’t normally, but…..it’s been a hell of a year, right? Hell of a week.” He looked Sam in the eye.

“That’s for sure.” Shocking, how normal he sounded.

“So what you say we just…put all that behind us, and be thankful for free food, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Something released in his chest. It was still – shredded – in there, but the weight of suffocation and absolute clarity of vision that would have preceded suicide seemed to dissipate suddenly.

“Even got green beans,” Dean said. “Look, they’re green. That should make you happy.”

“It – thank you,” Sam said.

“Thank the good people of St. Martin’s Parish. Now eat, it’s getting cold.”


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( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 15th, 2012 12:13 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I love it. And awww at Dean unintentionally saving Sam.
Nov. 15th, 2012 01:51 pm (UTC)
Glad you like! The prompt gave me Sam!feels which have been flagging of late, so I had to whip it up
Nov. 15th, 2012 01:28 pm (UTC)
Great story.
Nov. 15th, 2012 01:54 pm (UTC)
Re: hey
Thanks, glad you enjoyed!
Nov. 15th, 2012 05:00 pm (UTC)
that was close. I just think Sam is hurting SO much - I'm so glad someone else sees it, too.
Nov. 16th, 2012 06:38 am (UTC)
Totally. Sam is my point of identification character. I have no problem admitting he (we) acts like a jerk sometimes. But it's cos he's a saaad younger sibling! :D
Nov. 15th, 2012 05:56 pm (UTC)
Great fic, Dean was just in time!!!
Nov. 16th, 2012 06:37 am (UTC)
Thank you, glad you enjoyed!
Nov. 15th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
So good! I went into this really wanting angst and a rescue and this mutual understanding raised to a higher level and thankfulness and... well, the fact that Dean completely unknowingly and unintentionally saved Sam is SO MUCH BETTER than whatever the heck was in my head. There's still all this pain and regret and uncertainty and worry. And the memories of their few Thanksgivings before were fantastic. I liked the line about being on good terms with Death as well, heehee. Mostly I love that it's just, like, fate and perfect timing and THIS ONE THING that finally went right for them. And the subtle, unwritten thankfulness Sam feels at the end here is so beautiful. That 'thank you' is about something a hell of a lot bigger than green beens. And I love Dean's kind of casual and almost eager celebritory tone! Ah! This was great! Loved it.
Nov. 16th, 2012 06:36 am (UTC)
Thank you sweets! I know, I've read and enjoyed a lot of rescue stories so I thought, what the heck, can't the universe just do them a favour for once?
Nov. 15th, 2012 10:29 pm (UTC)
This is totally the way it would happen too. Ah, the old Winchester luck!
Nov. 16th, 2012 06:35 am (UTC)
Sometimes they have good luck! Like...that one time...or the....ok nvm. lol.
Nov. 16th, 2012 12:43 am (UTC)
Such a Dean way to apologize. m :)
Nov. 16th, 2012 06:35 am (UTC)
IKR? I don't empathise with Dean but I think I understand him. Lot of men in my family ;)
Oct. 12th, 2014 05:46 pm (UTC)
Two years old, I know, but I've been re-tagging, which means re-reading - just wanted to say that, for a furriner, you really did Thanksgiving well here, esp. "the house smelling like somebody else’s childhood."

It was also a nice touch that the church was out of stuffing. People would take extra, since it is probably the one time of the year they would have it, and it is just the sort of thing they would run out of.
Oct. 13th, 2014 07:19 am (UTC)
Always love a comment on an old fic! Oh SPN. I want my SPN feels back. Have you seen the season 10 prem? People are saying it's good but I haven't found a place to stream it yet :(
Oct. 14th, 2014 02:07 am (UTC)
Yes, I watch it on iTunes, so I get up in the middle of the night to download, and early the next morning to watch before I leave for work.
What can I say without spoiling? I thought everyone was in character, and in a good way. Sam was sympathetic and likable, not pissy and petulant. The episode overall was a pretty drastic contrast to the Season 9 opener. Having said that, I'm not sure what to think about where we might be going. I came to this fandom via the fanfic, not the show, and, um, sometimes the show is disappointing to me. This ep gave us a couple of scenes that could have a lot of potential, but I expect TPTB to let me down (and that the fanfic writers will have to fix it for me!)
Oct. 14th, 2014 08:14 am (UTC)
Oh iTunes has it? I'll have to get on that! Tbh Season 9 was a disappointment to me overall but then 6 sucked and 7 was great so I'm hoping for a repeat of that pattern XD
Oct. 14th, 2014 01:05 pm (UTC)
So does Amazon Instant Video, at least here. I hope one of those options works in your region! I prefer iTunes because that way, for the eps I do like, I can make a repeating playlist that I can play at night to lull me to sleep.
Why yes, I do substitute spn for drugs.
Surely this is our last season, I hope you're right about the pattern!
Nov. 26th, 2015 03:27 pm (UTC)
The pure luck of Dean coming back right then is chilling...and what he's brought is heart-melting. Nice little story!
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )